So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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