I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
