haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
