i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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