he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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