Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
