I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
