I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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