So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
