Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
