I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
