OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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