i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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