just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You're earring is so big in my mouth
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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