k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
