i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
