Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
