im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
