How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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