sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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