Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
