The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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