The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
