I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
