I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
