Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
