pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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