So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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