sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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