i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
