yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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