Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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