You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
