why didn't you poke me back
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
