Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
