You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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