and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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