Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
