is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
