Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
