is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
