I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I miss vodka workout Fridays
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
