and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
