I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
