At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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