then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
