she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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