I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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