he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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