I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
