Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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