Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
