I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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