He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
