You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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