shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
