just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
